5 Simple Ways to Increase your Libido
How’s your sex life? We know, it’s a bold question, but it’s a really important one to ask yourself. Whether you have a partner or not your sexual health is incredibly important to your emotional and physical wellbeing. So let’s talk about libido…
Libido is largely driven by testosterone. As females, we do have testosterone naturally present in our bodies, but our levels can drop as we age and that can take a hit on our sex drive. Maybe it takes you longer to get aroused, or you might be having increased dryness, or sex becomes less comfortable and you stop initiating while your partner wishes that you would. If any of that feels familiar, listen up. Our sex expert and tantra teacher, Hakima, is here to help.
Our sex expert shares easy ways to increase your libido
Before we dive in, it's important to remember that low sexual interest on its own is not a disorder. Unless it causes you distress, low interest is not a problem in itself.
However, if you are bothered by a loss of sense of enjoyment or if you’re worried about your relationship and your partner's reaction, there are things that can help. If you think that restored sexuality will make you happier, here are five tips to increase your sex drive.
#1: Get some good rest
Being too tired for sex is one major reason why couples don't have sex. Sleep and libido are highly related. If your sleep is suffering, your desire for sex can take a hit as well. Good sleep can be compromised by declining estrogen and progesterone, as those hormonal swings can result in uncomfortable night sweats and disrupted sleep patterns. That's why it's so important to take care of your sleep health, as it can end up boosting other areas of your life as well. Taking care of your body is the best way to boost your libido.
#2: Tease your brain
You've probably heard the expression "sex on the brain." Women get aroused through the brain while men get aroused through the eyes. You can feed your imagination and raise your sex drive by reading erotica. There is a reason why erotic fiction is among the top sales on Amazon Kindle. Easily accessible, reading erotica rewards the pleasure center of the brain and supports sexual drive. Dopamine and oxytocin are released which make you feel good and more inclined to be sexual with your partner.
#3: Reconnect with your body
Worrying about the family, paying the bills, or our careers can take over our life and disconnect us from our bodies. One underrated way to boost your libido is to implement practices that support reconnection with your sexual body. As a sex coach and tantra teacher, I particularly recommend implementing a self-pleasure ritual practice. Once a week, create a safe space far from the worries of your daily life and without interruption, be completely dedicated to your own pleasure.
You can use jade eggs and practice Kegels exercises to help you reconnect and strengthen your intimate parts. You can also ask your partner or a professional to give you a yoni – vaginal in Sanskrit – massage that will help you focus on body sensations and pleasure.
#4: Focus on intimacy
Desire exists as part of a relationship, not something separate from it. Sometimes, a low sex drive shows that there are struggles in the relationship or it has worn out. Or it can mean that you and your partner have forgotten to nurture what originally bonded you. During my tantra workshops, I see many couples in long-term relationships hoping to restore their sex drive. As a solution, I offer them a container where they can reconnect with one another and bring intimacy to the center of their relationship.
I recently discovered Karezza, a type of bonding-based love-making. Based on ancient texts on sacred sexuality, it supports intimacy and in the long term, sex drive. Eye gazing, active listening, and cuddling replace sex for a short period of time. Give it a try and see if it improves your intimacy –– and ultimately your sex drive.
#5: Tune in to your hormones
Testosterone is what creates a sex drive in both men and women. You heard me right. Now, men need much higher levels of testosterone to maintain libido than women. And some women need more testosterone than others in order to feel sexual interest. However, other women feel highly sexual with only a drop in their blood.
There are natural ways to boost your testosterone such as regular physical activity. There is also testosterone treatment provided by hormone replacement therapy (HRT). If you are curious about it, consult your healthcare provider.
While testosterone may make a woman interested in sex, it cannot make her body ready for it. This is the role of estrogen. With lower levels of estrogen as we enter perimenopause, less blood is supplied to the vagina which affects lubrication and can cause dryness. With this, sex becomes less pleasurable. Don't be shy to use a lot of lube!
Not all women see a loss of libido as they age and each body is different. Some women feel more comfortable in their bodies as they grow older and embrace their sexuality more. If these tips don’t support you at this time and you’re still bothered by a reduced sex drive, be sure to bring it up with your doctor as there are additional resources that can help.
